crackers

Next Christmas I shall endeavour to make my own crackers; the ones we bought this year were, like every year's, terrible.
In place of jokes I've decided to insert Brian Sewell Riddles. Festive pullers will be prompted to guess the artist from the Evening Standard review clips.

Here's three examples for beta testing (hint: they're all British);

Now the Grand Old Man of British Painting, he is presented as a painter of an improbably gaudy Yorkshire landscape, his current obsession, with a handful of earlier works to support the general assumption that he has always been the Turner of his day (as well as the Michelangelo). 

Throughout his long life he observed the company he kept - in particular its underbelly - in largely informal portraits that often verged on ambiguous narrative. He seems to have liked, perhaps even loved, dogs, but to have cared little for human beings, apart from the cool curiosity with which he observed their genitals.

The once interesting and provocative multi-millionaire mass-production wide-boy of the Young British art world is Tate Modern's predictable choice for the Cultural Olympiad. With the spot and spin paintings, the shark and subsequent specimens in formaldehyde (the farmanimaldehides), the medicine and instrument cabinets and other installations, this will be more or less a retrospective exhibition of his various impertinences.